'To Reveal'
Coming out of the proverbial closet, facing core fears, and the power of being fully expressed (plus, an exhaustive list of all things that have helped me on my journey)
2023 has the potential to be a year that sets a foundation for the individual and collective expression of Divine potential. We have been anticipating this transition our whole lives.
-Dorothy Rowe
I have a vivid memory of being 4 years old,
lying on my parents bed struggling to fall asleep (insomnia has been a life long issue to varying degrees) thinking to myself ‘I’m going to do that thing that makes me feel good weird’ after which I would lie there, and think to myself over and over again, like a mantra — ‘How am I alive, how am I alive, how am I alive’ until I felt weeeeeird; both grounded and spaced out, simultaneously watching and experiencing my life at the same time — the subject of AND the watcher of ‘the movie’, all at once. I continued to do this periodically until my turbulent teenage years took center stage, but upon learning TM and hearing a similar story recounted from another meditator once, I had a sweet moment of remembrance, and realization, that what I actually used to do as a tired 4 old, and the thing I did to make me feel good weird — was meditate.
I share this now because even though I’ve been on a spiritual path my whole life, (much more intensely and deliberately after having a profound awakening experience at 30) it’s not something I share about much. Only a select handful of people know the true depths of my spiritual life, and even then, sharing is usually filtered to gauge the level of safety and understanding of current company before venturing into deep truth territory.
Publicly, beyond fits and bursts on social media (that I would either ‘water down’ or delete altogether out of fear), starting this Substack and creating a public journal of sorts is a boon to my spirit on a level I can’t quite describe. It feels like the greatest gift I could ever give to myself, because to me, sharing authentically (more specifically, an aspect of myself that is completely integral to who I am as a person) is something I believe in wholeheartedly as a way to both connect and integrate, Self and other, in order to grow personally and collectively.
And so, here I am, sharing in a way I’ve dreamed of since this day, coming out of the proverbial closet (which holds the flavor of a core fear - eep!), and letting you in to my world of teachers, mentors, healers, and helpers, books, practices, systems and everything in between, that has supported me and helped me ‘*purify my energy’ on my journey thus far.
Because this is an extensive list that I will no doubt edit and add to as time goes on, it may be helpful to save or flag this post for ease & future reference.
Look for this symbol 🚨 for most recent updates.
Enjoy, and I sincerely hope you find something that uplifts your soul. Xx
*purifying or ‘cleaning energy’ is a phrase I use when I can feel old energy (old beliefs, old emotions, etc.) moving their way out of my nervous system. On the surface, this shows up as intense crying, heat in different parts of the body, feelings of nausea, body shakes, and more often than not, a feeling as though I’m burning alive. Quite uncomfortable, but in the words of the beautiful Thich Nat Hahn ‘Feelings come and go, like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.’ I would add ‘sensations come & go’ to this and say that deep, belly breathing, is the only tool you’ll ever need to make it through anything! You can do it!
Helpers on my journey
Practices, Teachers, and Mentors:
✨ September 2, 2016 I learned TM (mantra based meditation) that I immediately incorporated into my life as a twice daily practice. I credit this practice as the foundation of all else, without which I would not have survived the fires of ‘purification’ that have occurred the past 7 years of my life.
✨ In 2017 I met this woman at a *satsang (*a spiritual discourse or sacred gathering) and have been doing distance energy healing webinars with her ever since. Her ability to communicate that which is incommunicable (the abstract world of existence) is unparalleled and has provided me with a language in which to understand myself and the world around me in order to effect healing and change at the root. (She’s also one of the warmest, most loving, most wonderful and beautiful humans I’ve had the privilege of working with. A true delight.)
✨ In 2018 I received my first hug from this woman. No singular experience in my life thus far has been more powerful, purifying, or pivotal. (I received a second, in 2019, and plan to see her again when she does another North American tour).
✨ In 2019 I stumbled upon this podcast episode and immediately booked a *Jyotish (*translated as “science of light,” Jyotish refers to the profound and mathematically sophisticated form of astrology originating in the ancient Vedic traditions of India) session with this man. I had done one session prior in 2017 with someone else, but didn’t have enough of a framework or understanding to glean much from it at the time. This episode provided me with the exact knowledge I needed, and I’ve been working regularly with him ever since.
✨ In 2020 I was referred to this woman with whom I began a recurring distance healing subscription. It wasn’t until 2022, however — in the midst of a harrowing 8 month journey with insomnia — that I began utilizing her Inner Circle Multimedia Library (available to all those who’ve purchased healing packages or subscriptions). Beyond helping me heal myself of (most of) my insomnia, I credit her attention & work with catalyzing a complete transformation and uplifting of spirit. She offers free distance healings that can be won by signing up for her newsletter, and she also offers global group healings which I’ve found to be the *most* profound. (For Harry Potter fans, the day of a group healing feels as though I’ve taken a dose of Felix Felicis. ;) She is, as they say, the ‘real deal’.
✨ I first got introduced to Human Design in April 2020 but it wasn’t until January 2022 in a moment of despair — asking the universe for a sign — that I came across this woman on social media and immediately dove in. Her ability to distill what is often overly complicated into digestable, bite-sized bits of information is unmatched, and upon receiving my Blueprint I felt a settling that I’d yet to experience; like I was granted a permission slip to both be exactly who I am & know myself to be, and to operate in the world in the only way that feels natural to me. If life is a journey and humans are the vehicle, then Jyotish is the ‘roadmap’ and Human Design is the ‘car manual’, and when paired together (*taking extra care to work with reputable sources) they can provide a profound level of comfort & peace on the journey; the kind that can only come when one is not tasked with navigating the path completely blind.
*friendly reminder that good teachers are grounded in reality, always reflect YOU back to YOU, and are invested - above all else - in helping you become self-sufficient so that you may be guided by your own inner knowing & wisdom. ‘A true teacher is one who aims to become obsolete in the life of the student.’
Photo by my dear friend Sam Kelly
Books
Laundry list of transformative books that either helped me understand myself better, healed me, or supported me on my journey. All links are to (used!) physical books because I’m a handsy girl and I like to hold stuff.
Read in 2022:
In the following order, these books (my whole childhood, but first time reading as an adult), this book, this book, and this book, changed who I am as a person. The journey from who I was when I opened the cover, to who I became when the pages closed, was radical, seismic, and transformative.
🚨 I also read this book and have never been more moved by an artist memoir.
Before 2016:
(when I was obsessed with relational love, art, and just beginning to dip my toes into the mystical realm)
Big Magic (eye opening and sooooo juicy)
Only Love is Real (also Many Lives, Many Masters by the same author)
The River of Life (my first overtly ‘spiritual’ book followed by….
The Power of Now (this was a lot for me at the time it came into my life around 2013. It was powerful (albeit repetitive) and took me 3 years to finish.)
Read in 2016:
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (this was gifted to me in February 2016 and after immediately applying the practices to my life, a domino effect happened thereafter in which I felt both ushered onto a path of, and deeply fascinated by, the concept — and experience — of ‘clarity’)
Love Warrior (and later, in 2017 Carry on Warrior (which quite literally carried me through dark times), and, later later, in 2020 Untamed which healed me through deep laughs and deeper cries. All wonderful, all beautifully written.)
A New Earth (having taken psilocybin mushrooms once, reading this book felt like ‘being on mushrooms but through words’ — so much so that I read it twice in a row) :)
Transcendence (after continuing to hear about TM through various sources (including the very influential Beatles) I was on a mission to learn it. Turns out you can’t learn it from a book, only a teacher (for authenticity and support’s sake) but this book and his other one Supermind which I subsequently read, both gave me a sturdy mental foundation upon which my practice could safely live)
The Untethered Soul (I don’t remember exactly when I read this but I do remember that the first time I plucked it out of my sisters stack of books it was completely over my head. Upon picking it up again sometime after my awakening experience in 2016, and reading A New Earth, I inhaled it in one fluid breath)
The Four Agreements (a simple and classic cornerstone)
2017 and beyond:
At the recommendation of my TM teacher (to whom I’m eternally grateful to for his never-ending support through periods of inner turbulence), I read:
Transcendent Dreaming (it’s pretty out there but I did a satsang with her once and she was lovely. She led us through a guided meditation in which she told us that ‘the size of protons and neutrons within an atom are relative to the size of a single grain of sand inside the Empire State Building’ !!!!! )
Science of Being and Art of Living (in a word, transformative)
The End of Your World (one of two that I revisit the most, and *the most helpful* in my many dark nights of the soul)
Our Natural Potential (the other book I revisit the most. Simple, clear, and utterly profound. This book should be required recourse for being a human being on planet earth. It should be taught in schools. Incredibly supportive through difficult times. He also has a blog that I visit from time to time and have found very helpful.)
For myself and my own curiosity:
Peace Pilgrim (incredible story about a beautiful human who was authentic and affected change)
It’s Not Always Depression (I stumbled upon this during a severely foggy period where I wandered into Barnes & Noble in search of _______. After opening this at random and reading something that struck a chord it came home with me, and though I never ended up finishing it, I gleaned enough value from it to feel comfortable including it here)
The Mind (similar to above, I randomly picked this up at a friends place, read a line that resonated, bought it and never read it. ‘Take what works leave what doesn’t.’)
There I Am (a gem of a human, a beautiful read)
Miscellaneous
🚨 I watched this documentary when it came out in 2021 (twice in a row) and it changed me. Though I was more than familiar with her music, I had never before seen her perform live and upon doing so was introduced to a level of expression I’d yet to encounter. To witness a human so completely embodied and living so fully expressed (when I had yet to reach that point in my life) made a deep & profound, *radical* impression on me. Perhaps my favorite documentary of all time.
🚨 Another 2-part documentary that was deeply impactful, on every level.
🚨 Rage* hiking, rage swimming, and every once in awhile — rage walking (when I feel like connecting with other humans.) Per my Human Design 28-38 channel of ‘struggle’ or ‘tenacity’, physical activity comes highly recommended to me (by Erin Claire Jones) as a way to move stuck energy, channel my fighting spirit, and connect with my intuition. *‘Rage’ as I’ve used it here simply refers to the level of energy channeled during an activity (though I will say that I’ve had a few true-blue rage hikes, swims, ‘bouts of cleaning, and dancing, that have all been incredibly therapeutic.)
Though I’ve never read a book by Byron Katie or done The Work in any real, consistent way, I’ve jumped around her podcast and youtube channel in times of need and have felt very supported
Same with a whole host of other teachers, Adyashanti, Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, Richard Rohr, Anita Moorjani, Ram Dass, Jack Kornfield, Mirabai Starr, Amoda Maa, Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hahn (and many, many more) in that our paths crossed at the exact moment I needed to hear exactly what they had to say. *Kismet (*destiny; fate) at it’s finest.
Buddha at the Gas Pump: I’ve popped around this when inspired to do so and have found Rick Archer to be a very skilled, very scrutinizing interviewer, leaving no rock unturned, and always grounding the mystical realm in reality. His archive is extensive and impressive.
Vision Boards: this is a practice I absolutely love for how fun it is. Ironically, I’ve only made two in my life (that have been added to and refined over the years as I’ve matured): one for a romantic partner made in 2019, and one for my life’s purpose made in 2012. Both hang in my home today and bring me immeasurable amounts of joy. If you’ve never made one, all you need is a stack of magazines, scissors, glue stick, and a poster board. Cut out everything that jumps out at you without censoring yourself, assemble all pieces onto the poster board in a way that pleases you, and let your current self be revealed to you. I love doing this at the New Year because even if I don’t end up adding anything to the board, it always reveals to me what I’m currently thinking about and what’s on my mind. Exhilarating. :)
Greeting Cards: I began unintentionally collecting greeting cards about 5 years ago simply because it felt fun to peruse the aisles and imagine what it would feel like to send different ones to different people in my life. Upon amassing a large amount of ‘romantic partner’ cards, I realized that what I was actually doing, was manifesting, and to which I’ll say, it’s working ;)
SLEEP: It has been made clear to me that I could be a poster child for insomnia and because sleep is the foundation for everything, I’ve collected a slew of tips and tricks to help usher in slumber. *What has helped me:
Earplugs and eye mask, always (to both create a sort of pavlovian response and to maintain the same sleep environment wherever I go)
No screens in room/next to bed, no screens 2 hrs before bed (this was really difficult to implement at first but I’ve taken to lighting candles (beeswax - nontoxic and purifying!) and renting art books to peruse so that every evening feels like a truly sumptuous self-love ritual.)
Head of the bed facing South or East (so when sitting in bed you’re looking North or West) and not under windows or in front of doors (too much energy!)
Listening to this two hours before bed (or really anytime I want background noise that isn’t agitating (bamboo flute and sitar under the ‘Gandharva’ tab are my go to’s). It’s designed to correspond with the energies prevalent at different times of the day in order to keep you in sync with the cycles of nature — good for developing a healthy circadian rhythm. It also purifies the space.)
Drinking salt and taking magnesium (turns out cooking for yourself everyday is ‘healthier’ in terms of less salt, but according to my doctor our bodies actually need at least 2-5 mg per day and since I was not getting this my body was severely agitated and dehydrated at all times which equaled no access to rest & digest, or sleep)
EFT Tapping (every day, all day, every time I need it, works especially well in bed while winding down for sleep)
These 3 positions to activate the vagus nerve (it worked *wonders* for me)
*I am not a doctor, this is just what’s been recommended to me by my doctor. Please do your own research and see your physician to find out what is best for you
All of the above has helped me remain connected to that little 4 year old self and her inherent qualities — her curiosity, her vivaciousness, her ‘knowing’, and her general excitement at the prospect of being alive — and I hope that by sharing this knowledge (and continuing to update it as time goes on) that you might find ways to stay in touch with your little self and their inherent *pure* qualities, as well.
Lots of love,
Jen